My Thoughts . . .

With much love to my dear children (including my sons and daughters-in-law) . . . I leave these tidbits of knowledge and experience I have gathered over the last 38 years of marriage. I pray that they will help you to have a great and fulfilling marriage.
There are more bits of wisdom out there . . . so add to this list as you grow in love for your spouse and your family. Share your experience (both good and bad) with others and help to build the Kingdom of God here on earth.

1. It all starts here . . . respect each other always. Never curse or degrade the other. Words do hurt! Never use the “F” word towards one another nor use hurtful language such as, “You are so stupid.”
2. Compliment your spouse often. Make positive comments like, “you look especially nice today.”
3. Encourage and support each other often. Make encouraging comments like, “I know it is difficult, but I know you can do it.”
4. Thank your spouse for the things they do. “Thanks for doing the dishes. Thanks for putting gas in the car for me.” etc.
5. Make time for each other and keep romance in your marriage. This means go on dates, especially after you have children. To maintain romance, pay attention to taking care of yourself (e.g. good hygiene, discretion with vulgar bodily sounds (burping, farting, etc.)
6. Hold hands often, especially in public. Your actions make things real. Showing your love keeps love strong.
7. If God blesses you with children, let them see that you love each other. Let them hear that you love each other also.
8. Authentic love is putting the needs of the other before yours and desiring the good for the other. It is best demonstrated when you do things for the other when you’re tired or don’t feel like doing it.
9. Holiness is our way to heaven. God, first and foremost, wants us to be holy not happy. Happiness comes naturally from a life lived in holiness.
10. Your spouse’s needs come first before yours and the children. The needs of your children will naturally flow from this act of love. Don’t reverse these!
11. Your obligation in the marriage is to help your spouse get to heaven and then help your children get to heaven. After that come other people in this progression. (In reality, you should be focusing on your salvation first, by already living a life of holiness . . . you need to be on the path to heaven, before you can bring others along with you. You can’t give what you don’t first possess.)
12. Pray, pray, pray for your spouse every day. Do the same for your children and your children’s future spouses from day-one of their lives. The world wants to destroy marriage and family. Help protect your family with prayer.
13. Bless your children daily with your hand if possible. If it is not possible, then bless them with the sign of the cross from where you are. God can apply those blessings to each of them for you. He’s God, he can do that.
14. Treat your wife like the queen that she is. She is the heart of your life, your soul and your home. She is your strength in times of difficulty. Love her more today than you did yesterday.
15. Treat your husband like the king that he is – with respect. He is the head of the family that will be there to support and guide your heart and your children to heaven. Love him more today than you did yesterday.
16. Remember often why you married your spouse. Especially after many years of marriage from now. Help nurture these qualities you fell in love with.
17. Always begin your trust of each other at 100%. But, don’t give your spouse a reason to distrust you, because even appearances can cause problems. Avoid these “appearances.” (e.g. when you eat out, always eat lunch/dinner with a group, not alone with someone of the opposite sex.)
18. Lead your family in faith, love and holiness by example in words and deeds. Remember that your children will grow up to be much like you. Be the person you want them to be.**
19. Let your integrity of mind, body and soul guide your actions. Don’t cheat, lie or steal, ever. A cheater will steal, a thief will lie, and a liar will cheat. These three go together. Be honest, be a giver and be truthful.
20. The only way you’re going to be a great spouse, parent or person in life is through God’s grace alone. Receive His grace! And get it often! Grace is free and abundant in the sacraments, especially confession and the Eucharist.
21. Tell each other how you feel when there is strife between the two of you. It is tougher for men to do so, because of pride, but you must communicate. Start your sentences with, “I feel like you . . . “
22. Pray as a family, daily, if possible. Eat together at the table as a family as often as possible.
23. Son, treat you your wife with random back rubs and foot rubs, especially when she is pregnant. Also tell her (verbally) every day that you love her and how beautiful she is. She needs to hear it from you.
24. Son, if your spouse works outside the home (or homeschools the children), help her with the household work. Wash your own clothes and help with the kids (feed, bathe, change diapers, etc.). She is tired, too. Tell her often that you appreciate what she does for the family.
25. Daughter, if your husband works outside the home, tell him often how much you appreciate what he does for the family and thank him often. Do little, special things for him, like cook his favorite meal.

Everything meaningful in life revolves around relationships. This means you need to acknowledge, respond to and nourish these relationships.

May God’s peace and love be with each and every one of my children for generations to come!

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam (For the Greater Glory of God),

With Much Love,

Henry J Avila

 

** The Husband/Father is the KEY to a successfully happy and peaceful family life. When he does his job right, things tend to work out best.

Eph 5:26-26 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her . . .